The Boyfriend Application Revisited

This time last year I discovered that my most recent ex had gotten engaged on NYE

 I quickly reacted and decided to tell the universe that I deserved a boyfriend at least!

Obviously.

Despite the 2011 Boyfriend Application, I remained single throughout 2011.

Though I am pleased to announce I have agreed to meet someone-

-someone that I (ouch) 'met' on a dating site.

And while I have decided to meet a stranger I share common intrests with,
(in a public area of course)
it has been a year with no results so...

 

thanks Google!

AGAIN! This is my future boyfriend we're talkin' about!

Like last year, I am not looking for just anyone.

2011 Requirements:

• Shows off silly faces and lots and lots of smiles from a quality mouth.
• Rolls down hills at the park with me, allergies and all.
• Can teach me new things.
• Not only accepts that I am a nerd, but loves me for it.
• Supplies adventures!
• Enough muscle to punch someone for me but not so much that it's gross.
• Can plan a BOMB.com date but also enjoys a night in on the couch with Chipotle and a movie marathon.
• Gives great hug.
• Loves me through my silly addictions.
• Dances for fun, not to look cool and get gals.
• Loves conversations with Smartypants Kat and Daft Blonde Kat.
• Provides opportunities and takes them on as well.
• Spins me about on the dance floor and in my head.
• Has "I've been too busy providing for you to shave" scruff sometimes.
• Sings karaoke with no shame (bonus: no broken eardrums either!)
• Understands Robin Williams advice from "Good Will Hunting" and make me feel the 'home' that Zach Braff speaks of in "Garden State"

2012 Additions:

• Has kind eyes.
• A strong heart.
• A mesmerizing smile.

&&/or Of Course If You Are:

• Måns Zelmerlöw. 
• Garrett Hedlund. 
• Rob Pattinson.

 So bloggy world, let's try again--

Anybody know my future boyfriend yet?

2011 Boyfriend Application

I have been having probably the worst 3 consecutive days of my life.

And after waking up on January 1st filled with positive engery...

the first Facebook text I read was about this:

Chris, my last boyfriend proposed to his girlfriend of 3ish years

on New Years Eve

in France.

Um, wtfrak?

 I might be a b*tch sometimes,

but I am positive my karma isn't this bad.

So I quickly decided something I needed to put out to the universe

and thus posted it to tumblr/twitter, as they are the universe now.

Obviously.

After thinking about this more at work last night,

I am starting a Boyfriend Application.

Someone in the 6-degrees-of-separation of bloggy world,

has to know my future boyfriend, right?

And while the funny results of Google are a good start...

this is my future boyfriend we're talkin' about!

I am not looking for just anyone.

I mean I have been single for over 3yrs.

Requirements:

• Shows off silly faces and lots and lots of smiles from a quality mouth.
• Rolls down hills at the park with me, allergies and all.
• Can teach me new things.
• Not only accepts that I am a nerd, but loves me for it.
• Supplies adventures!
• Enough muscle to punch someone for me but not so much that it's gross.
• Can plan a BOMB.com date but also enjoys a night in on the couch with Chipotle and a movie marathon.
• Gives great hug.
• Loves me through my silly addictions.
• Dances for fun, not to look cool and get gals.
• Loves conversations with Smartypants Kat and Daft Blonde Kat.
• Provides opportunities and takes them on as well.
• Spins me about on the dance floor and in my head.
• Has "I've been too busy providing for you to shave" scruff sometimes.
• Sings karaoke with no shame (bonus: no broken eardrums either!)
• Understands Robin Williams advice from "Good Will Hunting" and make me feel the 'home' that Zach Braff speaks of in "Garden State"

Bonus (&or Exceptions):

You are Måns Zelmerlöw.

You are Garrett Hedlund.

You are Rob Pattinson.

 So those are the 'Stage 1' requirements...

Sounds pretty reasonable to me!

Anybody know my future boyfriend yet?

Chipotle burritos this year: Ø

Boba smoothies this year: Ø

Emails from Grandma: UK Classifieds

Ok.

I may have an obsession with all things Brit/English.

I really want to live there for a while, someday.

I felt I should share with ya'll a little email Grandma fwd'd to me.

(Yes I do indeed also live with the woman!)

You have to love British humour! 
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES.1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.


FREE PUPPIES.Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.



**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Statement of the CenturyThought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker.

Billy Connolly -
  "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

Brilliant, no?

Sigh.

*Chipotle Counter [42]*